24: Episode 7, 1 PM - 2 PM

Key Words: 24, Jack Bauer, Richard Nixon, Gregory Itzin, Elisha Cuthbert,

Well, Jack Bauer, what have you got for me this week?
9:03: I'm pretty sure they choseGregory Itzin to play President Logan because of how much he looks like Richard M. Nixon.
9:05: A daughter? Who doesn’t know you’re alive? Maybe you should see her at some point in the next hour? What do you think Jack Bauer? I was right, I was right. How long before she shows up?
9:05: Jack Bauer, the president won’t let you quit, he’s latched on to you like a giant boa constrictor of Executive Privilege and there’s no way for you to get out now.
9:06: The man with the yellow tie is an equal opportunity terrorist. If he can’t kill Russians, he'll happily kill Americans.
9:07: What is Lynn’s relationship with this crack hooker? Oh, his sister. It seems like all the good genes went to Lynn from that set of parents. How are they going to make his meeting with her more dramatic, and more importantly, where is he going to get $500 in the next twenty minutes without going to the bank? I guess we’ll find out.
9:11: Chloe is a good problem solver when the problem is a high-end proprietary security system and the solution is the dude she was bagging. Also, she's very adept at rolling her eyes.
9:12: "Audrey, the president thinks I can help." Jack Bauer's blood isn't red, it's red, white and blue.
9:18: Really, I don’t think there’s any chance that the First Lady’s going to be the first one he turns to for advice. Especially if she keeps slapping him like that. It’s not going to make her seem less loony.
9:19: Are we supposed to sympathize with President Logan and think that’s he’s changed a lot and that he’s going to be a good president for the next eighteen hours? I don’t know about you, but it’s going to take more than a kiss and slap scene with his wife and the aide he arrested illegally for me to change my mind.
9:21: “The only thing they won’t forgive is being lied to.” “I agree, why don’t we work on it together and see what we come up with.” Sheesh. This show definitely sucks again. Last week was unfortunately an exception and not the rule.
9:21: “It’s a proprietary network, so get to work.” Chloe’s describing the security on the building Jack Bauer needs to get into. Now, I don’t know what “proprietary network” means, really, but it seems like the majority of America, probably doesn’t either. However, I have to imagine that the people who do know what that means probably think this show is pretty dumb, though.
9:24: “Status check blue” sounds like “Flank 2 position.” Doesn’t it?
9:26: JBKC: 4 (3 security guards, Roessler).
9:28: I don’t have much to say about the Russian slave Roessler was keeping. It was funny, however, when she asked if Jack Bauer and Curtis were the police and Jack Bauer said something or other. Like she knows the difference.
9:33: I kind of hope the terrorist kills the motorcycle mechanic just to prove a point. “See kids, it just shows to go ya that you can NEVER trust a terrorist.”
9:35: “Trust me, you don’t want to go down this road with me.” If that guy just cried out like that from a little slap, there’s no way he’s going to last too long. He just doesn’t have the stones. Torture: 1. I really like the way Jack Bauer bargains. This guy asks for a lot, Jack Bauer does not bend an inch. WTF? Lynn just lets this guy go? No way. I guess he doesn’t have time for this type of thing when family is involved. How can Jack Bauer let him have the girl? He’s got a daughter about that age. How would Jack Bauer feel if someone took his daughter and used her as a pawn in an immunity deal with an aider abettor of known terrorists? How would he feel if he knew I made up words like aider?
9:42: Jack Bauer’s beautiful plan is to put a chip onto a chip? That doesn’t really seem like it’s going to work out, but Jack Bauer does what he wants around here.
9:44: Chloe has a serious personality disorder. It’s not even worth pretending that you’d want to hang out with her because having her around would not be revenue neutral. She’d be a total drag
9:46: What is going to happen in the west hallway? I can’t even imagine what the next plot twist is going to be. Oh. Walt Cummings is hanging from the ceiling. That fits.
9:47: NJBD: 1 (Walt Cummings). Something’s definitely up, and I don’t just mean Walt hanging from the ceiling. The first lady had motive (Cummings killed Palmer), Mike Novick had motive (political fallout reduction), President Charles Logan had motive… Well, no he didn’t, but he is clueless enough for lots of crimes to be committed on his watch.
9:52: Really, why is Lynn carrying $500 around? Oh. He’s just got a piece of paper worth $500. Samwise is such a douche, he just got mugged by his sister and her guy. How many times do you suppose that’s happened? 4? 5? Lynn’s sister probably calls every spring and pulls the same trick. Unbelievable. What was the point of that little plot twist? Did they really need to fill time that badly? I guess so.
9:54: Jack Bauer is really going to try to send this 15 year old off with Roessler? There’s just no way.
9:55: Listen to Jack Bauer. When he says something like “I promise I won’t let anything happen to you,” one of two things is going to happen. Either nothing is going to happen to you, or something really bad is going to happen to you.
9:55: Prediction: The Russian girl isn’t in the bedroom when they get back.
9:56: YES! See?! That’s why you can’t trust a terrorist. They give their word they won’t kill you and then they kill you after you finish helping them.
9:57: Damn it. Wrong again. The Russian girl was there. And no Kim Bauer? WTF.
9:58: Well, that works, too. Imagine how mad President Logan will be when he hears that a 15 year old illegal Russian immigrant just shot the only link to the nerve gas. He’ll ask if that’s enough to go to war. I know it!
Final thoughts:
4 JBKC, 1 torture, 2 NJBD, Prediction Ratio 0% (0 out of 2).
It was pretty clear that something was going to happen with the Russian girl. She was either going to kill herself, kill the guy, or run away. I thought run away made the most sense, but I should have been able to figure it out. I’ve got to step it up.
Totals for the season, 17 JBKCs, 2 torture, 16 NJBDs, Prediction Ratio 37.5% (3 out of 8).