The Craziest Thing Ever

I know this is not generally an arena for posting things we've found on the internet, but this case actually falls pretty well within my daily life activities. I have no job, of course, and I spend a lot of time reading boring listings. Today I encountered a listing for a "Grant Writer" on craigslist.org, and I feel like I have to post it here, for fear that the posting will be taken down and nobody will know of its glory.

So, without further ado, a posting for a "Grant Writer" in Boston (edited for length, if you can believe it):

Seeking grant writer to perform pro bono grant writing for establishing many public service companies, including though not limited to:

A marketing campaign seeking for nominal profit micro credit toward establishing a grassroots distribution network of bed netting for malarial mosquito avoidance. Grow your money and your good karma. Promote a philosophy, by stressing the life altering importance of the distribution of netting, that ensures the grassroots network operates for nominal profit. Each level facilitating netting sales by loan as necessary. Any person not otherwise employed encountered is a candidate for netting distribution. Move to other needs as finance allows, when demand for agricultural/verifiably harmless product proves true and as wide as our marketing campaign well performs establishing financiers of micro credit loans for mosquito netting.

Wheat bread pizza machine production, where in no potentially perilous work be human performed. Thus the mining of the minerals that become the Wheat bread pizza machine is performed by bot. The farming process also automated by track skirting system suffice sensor and plant/monitor grow/harvest equipment to deliver agricultural product for Wheat bread pizza. Full nutritional delivery (Iodine, C, A, B Vitamins... enhanced) Wheat bread pizza then automated baked at each Wheat bread pizza machine of expected worldwide 100,000,000 Wheat bread pizza machines. Delivery of the raw and processed agricultural product performed by capsule in tube on track. The wheat bread pizza machines are then to perform Wheat bread pizza making so long as a volunteer attendant is available to tend to maintainance when paged. The Wheat bread pizza machine should house suffice sensors to determine what is at issue when the machine is in need of repair. The tech should be paged with an issue description suffice to convey understanding what's necessary to repair the machine.

Wind Energy collection implement (WECI) production and delivery to hard fastened automated on multi pole slide lift via pully, each WECI formed in a cube structure for fasten and hoist, simple motors perform the "wind in" of the fastener U.

I am of course not interested in operating all of the companies established and don't mind your command of any of these or from the many more I've conceived, many of those likely ranking more important.

I am interested in taking applications toward commanding each of these endeavors as CEO. I plan on offering your grant writing service as an incentive to apply for the position as CEO in an advertisement I will place in publications oft read by workers in industries similar to the particular endeavors nature. We're looking to place an Electrician and Mechanic who has experience with ropes (possibly due nautical experience) as the CEO of proWECI, a Pizza Chef/Robot Tech as the CEO of WBPM's, any kid with unmedicated ADHD as our BedNetting Micro Credit Salesman.

We're looking mostly for aptitude, functionality and today place alongside the many. Fitting these characteristics our CEO's will be selected finally on having some experience as qualification.

Your compensation is to be taken as a percent from the CEO's salary, upon the CEO yielding pay as your grant writing proves worthy. As such at present your potential compensation is negotiable.

Some of the other ideas I'm working on:

Policy control advance to national referendum wherein the vote is conducted by satellite photo of shirt color.

The ideal travel solution, capsule in tube on track, safe, fast, carefree travel.

I look forward to hearing from all serious respondents.

Thanks for your time,

Dan,
617-***-*****

So that's that. I am incredibly tempted to apply for this position just to meet with this man. Perhaps we can hold a vote tomorrow wherein everyone wears a particular color shirt to vote on what I should do. I'll get the satellite ready.