Day-Time Television

When people ask me what I do, I tell them I have a "government job" (I even do those finger-quote thingies to make my joke more apparent). I hang out at my house and try to find things to do with myself before the regular people I know come home from their "actual" jobs.

This situation affords me a plethora of me-time in which I may do anything I wish, as long as it's free or next-to-free. After a certain number of months, the normal solutions to filling the time grow tiresome and I find myself looking to the television for help. If there were a really good show on for an hour every day, I'd appreciate it a lot.

There isn't. I've looked.

My exhaustive research has led me to a list of shows that are really really really good for the daytime. If you find yourself at home one day--or many--I hope my research will save you from some Lifetime Movie you thought had a chance.

Obviously there's Sportscenter. To save yourself time and anguish, watch only the last 12 minutes of this program. The ratio of analysis-to-highlights has gotten way out of control and the Yankdees/Lakers analysis to other stuff is even further out of control. The Top 10 Plays and the last game they show highlights for are always the best part. You can read the ticker on ESPNews later on if you want a score update.

After that, there's the morning repeat of yesterday's Daily Show, which is like a shining beacon of hope for the rest of the day. This starts at 10, which is after I wake up but before I get up, so I usually miss out.

After 11Am, you're pretty much screwed until MacGyver comes on Spike TV at 3Pm. You may say "MacGyver?" turning your nose up in the air. This is because you are coming from the prime-time television perspective. At a certain point, a good mullet on TV is the best thing you've got going in your life, and MacGyver is there to provide. (My research has not yet revealed MacGyver's first name. Perhaps someone can help me there?)

Outside of those three shows, daytime television is a barren wasteland. Unless you like Star Trek, in which case you're all set.